logistics.relocation

Looking back over my life, it seems to me that I have learned the most when I felt the greatest pain. My mother’s death, for example, made me more profoundly aware of the beauty in nature. My capacity for finding joy in the most ordinary events (watching a flower open, leaves turning red, a bird taking a bath) seems to deepen each time I live through great sorrow. Death makes life more precious; frustration makes success more fulfilling, failure makes the next accomplishment more meaningful.

In order to feel deeply t is necessary to feel everything. It is impossible to choose. You can’t really know how great is your sense of joy at a baby’s birth or your satisfaction at succeeding at a hard job unless you are also deeply aware of anguish of separation and the pain of failure. It’s through the capacity to feel that we discover ourselves and others and explore the potential for a full, significant life.

This is an especially crucial issue for parents. Our natural inclination is to try to protect children from pain. We have the mistaken notion that is a child is happy we are doing a good job; if a child is sad we are failing as parents. Bit giving children the message that happy is good and sad is terrible decreases their capacity to explore the full range of human experiences.

Children need to understand that suffering, frustration and failure are not only inevitable but helpful. The parents who took a simple puzzle away from a four-year old—because “he gets too upset and frustrated when he can’t get it right immediately,” –did the child a great disservice. Children need to experience such feelings as they grow up; it helps them to develop the patience, persistence and ability to cope that they’ll need when a scientific experiment fails, or a low grade is received after diligent study. There is nothing so terrible about failing and feeling pain; what hurts in the long run is not trying because of the fear of pain.
 

You were like movies and popcorn , or peanut butter and jelly . You were the best of friends… last year. Now you’ve gone through serious changes, and you just don’t mesh anymore. It’s hard to admit it let alone act on it but lately you just want out of this friendship.

People change over time, so it’s not surprising that many boys & girls find themselves facing their best friends break up at some point in their middle school years.

Unfortunately, you can’t wave your magic wand  and sidestep  all the awkwardness  and upset feelings  that are bound to  surface, but if you handle the breakup carefully, both you and your best friend are more likely to be okay with it in the end to feel good about yourselves and each other. Not quite sure how to get from here to there? Hold on tight  (and keep reading)!

 Rule #1

Sleep on it. Real friends aren’t easy to come by , so if yours has been with you through good times and bad, think extra hard before you walk away. Remember, no friendship is perfect all the time. Take as much time as you need to think things through. Instead of breaking up with her right off the bat , try breaking up your old patterns. If the two of you typically  hang out  alone, invite some other girls to join you. Also, consider taking a break from each other for a week or two. Maybe you’ll end up missing her and feeling excited about the friendship again.

 Rule #2

Be kind. So you definitely want out. Before you do anything else, make a vow  that you’re going to move on without stomping  all over her feelings. Don’t ignore her, forget to return her calls, or start picking fights. And never, ever vent  about her to your other friends. It’ll only make both of you feel terrible if she finds out and she probably will.

 Rule #3

Move on, gently. So how do you end it? Should you come right out  and say, I don’t want to be your friend anymore? Probably not. That would make her feel terrible, and it wouldn’t do much for you, either. Instead, work on  putting a little space between you, so you both have room to make other friends. You might say something like: I’m really glad we’ve been so close for so long, but I feel like we’re both changing, and maybe   we  don’t have so much in common anymore. I want to be able to hang out with other friends more.Then follow through. Spend time with  other friends, but  don’t turn your back on her  completely. Stay friendly, but branch out  and make other friends, too. Chances are she will too, and the old friendship will slowly fade away.

If your friend is really not ready for things to change, though, there’s also a chance she’ll start clinging to  you desperately or get angry and turn into your enemy. If things get too sticky, you may need to talk to an adult you trust to sort out the best way to handle the situation.

 Rule #4

Look for the middle ground. Maybe you don’t have to break off  the friendship completely maybe you just need to scale it down. Sometimes people grow in wildly  different directions but still like each other. This happened to a boy when he and his best friend entered middle school: Fitting in, being cool didn’t seem as important to me as they were to him. Different activities during and after school also introduced us each to a new circle of friends. But, he adds, it’s still fun to see each other on occasion. Ask yourself if there’s room in your life for a casual friendship with him. After all, you don’t have to stop speaking just because you’re no longer finishing each other’s  sentences. Maybe you can find a cozy  space for him, somewhere between BFF and Some Boy I Used to Know.

 Rule#5

Expect a rough ride. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself missing her  a lot… or feeling guilty that you don’t. In fact, don’t be surprised if you feel all kinds of weird  emotions. Even if the whole thing was your idea, losing a friend is almost never easy. Keep reminding yourself that this is the right thing to do, and that you’ve done your best to be fair and kind to both of you. Then, start getting over  it. Explore your interests. Invite new friends over. Before you know it, you’ll be feeling better. As one reader puts it, At first, I was disappointed that my friend till the end and I were going in opposite directions. But I’ve learned that it’s okay. We had a great friendship. I can look back and smile because having a friend till the end taught me a lot about friendship. And who knows? There might be a new friend till the end right around the corner .
 

拿起大學畢業相，思緒一下回到了十年前我讀大學時的情景。那是開學的一天，由於學費遲交，我比其它同學晚了一個星期。在入學的第一天，我沒有任何準備就很倉促就參加了生平所經歷的第一次軍訓，那時我身體弱，經受不住嚴酷的軍訓，特別是長達一個半小時的立正站姿，我站了還不到半個鍾頭就眼前一黑不醒人事的倒下了。

醒來時，發現自己已半躺著靠在一顆大樹下，還沒等我完全回了神來，我清楚地察覺到一陣陣的涼風吹向我，我這才注意到身邊有幾個陌生的同學圍在我身旁。他們手裏拿著軍帽在幫我扇風。其中一個把我扶穩坐好，一個同學遞了一杯茶過來往我嘴裏喂。我看了看她，只見他曬得黝黑的臉上充滿了急切的神情。

“快喝些茶”她說，我又望了望茶杯，“這是我從老家特地帶進來的消暑茶，有慰藉和解暑功能。雖然有苦，但解暑生津的效果特好。”她接著解釋道。

看著她急切的樣子，那一刻我徹底的感動了。我接過茶杯狠狠的一口氣喝完了底朝天。頓了一頓回味一下茶味，覺得那茶淡淡的苦味中夾著絲絲的清甜令人回味無窮。因為它在無形中給我的身心注入了真摯的關切，友愛，和幫助。看我喝完了整杯茶後，她笑了，我也笑了。

正是這種關切，友愛和幫助使我渡過了快樂而又美好的大學生活。我相信縱使我們早已為自己的前程各奔東西，甚至重逢不再，但各自的心裏都有一塊寶貴的曾經共同渡過美好大學生活的樂土。

“請喝一杯茶”，此刻我好想能這樣邀請你。

你不知道，和好友一起喝茶閒聊時，我常常思緒萬千，總是試圖把朋友的言語、眼神、微笑一一典藏起來，深怕在曲終人散之後，再也不會有相同的一會。我喜歡茶道裏“一生一會”之說，那意思大概是講，與朋友對坐飲茶的每一次都要珍惜，因為一生裏這樣的飲茶可能只有一回，一旦錯過，便再也不能得了。

想想看，一生僅此一次相聚，好？常言道，生命無常，人生苦短，於是人人都在追求幸福和快樂。快樂何在？與友聚首乃一樂也。由此想來，從前那一晚風霜一途坎坷地奔走至今，不都是在為這短短的相聚會做準備嗎？這深情的一會，是從前四十年的總成；這相會的一笑，是從前一切喜怒哀樂的綻放；這至深的無言，是從前有意義無意義全部言語的積累。呵，眼前這杯清茶，請品嘗，因為天地化育的茶樹，就只為這一杯呀！

其實，在這個美麗新世界，我們都是命運的寵兒，有整整四年彼此相聚相知的大學時光。並且，若彼此都有了最深的珍重與祝福，縱使有一天大家各奔前程、甚至重逢不再，也了無遺憾了。這恐怕就是所謂一生一會吧，你以為如何？

    一位著名的心理學家，他花了十多年，找一萬多人做一些心理方面的實驗。實驗的結果顯示，悲觀的人往往會自怨自艾就無故的生出病來，嚴重的會導致死亡。

    心理學家做了這個一個實驗來說明：

    有倆個犯人，其中一個叫尼克的身痊絕症，在得知自己生命不久時，他是很悲傷的，因為他一直等著早一點出獄和家裏人團聚。他的種種不幸讓醫生産生了憐憫之情，為了不讓他在悲傷中死去，醫生對了撒了個謊騙他說他的癌細胞已經不見了，也就是說他不會死。他非常高興，每天以感恩的心態快樂的過著，結果兩年後他不但沒死而且他的癌細胞奇蹟般的不見了。

    有另外一個叫塞利的死囚，在他知道快執行死刑時，他生活在極度恐懼和悲哀中。當他被帶到死刑房躺著並著電刑時，行刑師給他注射了麻醉劑並告訴塞利說他馬上就要死了，然後就把電源接上了，但意外的是突然停電了，於是臨時延刑。當行刑師去幫他松綁時，卻發現他已經死亡了。

    其實，尼克的本來注定死於癌症的，但他用僅用快樂和樂觀的態度就戰勝病魔。而塞利呢，一針麻醉並非令他致病，他卻死了，他相信他一定很快就死了，這使得他連試著呼吸的念頭都沒有，所以窒息而死。

    如果有一天，我們變得什麽都不感相信了，我們同樣會死於無法預料的各種各樣的心中的冰點。相反，如果我們在絕境中仍相信自己的能力會令到處境形勢扭轉，而奇蹟也真的往往會發生在這類人身上，在逆境中繼而出現了新的轉機。